I awoke to the sound of arrows flying across the room and killing the zombie that had been tireless standing by the gong, ready to ring it again at any moment. It was a relief to know that I wouldn’t have to heard that damn gong anymore.
I was a prisoner. It’s still fuzzy how I got there. One moment I’m traveling through the country-side, the next moment I’m lying in one of a half dozen cages. The other prisoners had been taken down to the deeper part of the dungeon, and only the gods know what happen to them, but they come back less than what they were before. Lobotomized at best, but more likely thralls of an unseen, evil master.
The rag-tag group that crashes in dispenses with the two other goblins that are standing guard — but not before one of the rings the gong and the other puts on a good chase for 50 yards or so (not the mention the fact that they seem to have quite the affinity for dropping their weapons, more on this later).
Since they managed to free me from my cell, I decide to join them, at least until I find my gear that was taken from me — that spellbook is the culmination of years of study and I’m not about to lose it to some damn ghouls and goblins, you know. They mentioned something about trying to save a princess from a castle — I honestly zoned out while that plumber was talking.
We ventured forth down the cavern into what seemed to be a burial room with several sarcophagi (though I could have sworn I heard a voice saying sarcophaguses several times, and I know that’s not right because when I would write that out in my spell book, the word would get magically underlined in red suggesting it was not spelled correctly). After watching the rogue fumble with the lock, and the brutes try to bend the bars of the metal door (yes, much more brawn than brains), the bugbear, Zug Bug (how obvious, right?), snaps the lock with the flick of his wrist.
Upon entering the “embalming” room, we marveled at the mangled corpse for a minute or two before I pick up my stolen gear that was stashed away. Now normally I would have left, but I was too enthralled by the decision that lay before us. Two paths: the first marked with a trail of blood and the smell of certain death, and corridor #2 which had the feeling of childhood boyishness and swimming in an ocean of candy canes and rainbows. Obvious choice, right?
So we’re were walking down the path while trying not to step in the blood and taking in the fresh scent of rotting corpses, we come to a lovely cavern. On the ground, you have your standard pentagram surrounded with piles of corpses on the points and an evil necromancer standing in the middle. Then obviously the damsel in distress is off in the back of the room trapped in a cage (much like my own — I feel you sister). The only thing missing, though, is the large pile of gold on the ground. So that was kind of bullshit.
The necro throws a pot at us, it’s filled with acid. So now we’re separated with Zug Bug in front with the necro, piles of bodies, Vanessa (the damsel), and the rest of us in back behind a wall of acid smoke emanating from the broken pot. Some of these morons jump through the acid wall without thought. But upon seeing them remain uninjured (and because this isn’t my first rodeo that involved working with acidic smoke), I jump through as well. Ximian the great has officially overcome a wall of acid smoke without injury — my greatest triumph so far.
We dispatch the necromancer pretty quickly, but not before 4 zombies and a ghoul get summoned. Then, as it turns out, Vanessa, the damsel, is actually just a bitch. She casts Hold Person on Zug Bug, which causes his demise while the swarm of zombies “use him like a scratching post” (to put it in Wulfchilde’s words). She also casts Command (to no effect) and Hold Person again, this time against Jarvan. Jarvan quickly falls to the ground. Throughout this whole fight, it really seems like all of my “allies” are constantly dropping their weapons on the ground rather than stabbing the undead. Now, I haven’t been adventuring all that long, and since I couldn’t seem to hit the undead with my sling bullets, I decided to give throwing my sling a try. Sufficed to say, that is not an effective tactic, and one that I will certainly not trying to do in the future. I shall also recommend to my fellow treasure hunters the same.
Vanessa finally runs out of mojo and ducks away and we didn’t noticed until after the fighting was done. All of those in the front lines trying to fight the undead are getting injured quite often. Luckily they had healing potions aplenty to help revive their comrades. They were dropping and popping back up as much as collars did in the fashion of the last decade.
After picking up my sling, I decide that now is the time to stop fooling around. With 2 quick strikes of my quarterstaff, I’m showering in the sweet, sweet juices of a zombie that thought I was still playing around. Upon moving on to my next target, my memory seems to faulter. It might be because, somehow, that somehow is more well versed in the arts of close combat than I.
I awake (again) and find that my companions have slain the remaining zombies and ghoul. Zug Bug met his fate. No doubt because no one stopped to try and save him. At least now they don’t have to pay the 15g debt that they owed him. And they got to keep his armor and weapons!
I also noticed that they were fully healed and rested when I magically awoke, suggesting that they either unnecessarily healed themselves before reviving me, or they didn’t get injured as much as it appeared they were getting injured. In any case, I suppose I can’t complain since I got resurrected. I did anyway.
We traveled down the hallway of lolipops and rainbows and, naturally, found a pile of copper, some gems, and spells, and other various loot.
Back in town, we spoke with the sheriff, explaining to him so much about how he shouldn’t kill us right there on the spot and how much the town now REALLY needs us. Or maybe we were just trying to convince him that his sweet Vanessa is really a evil necromancer that’s trying to kill all the farmer folk. I can’t seem to remember.
In any case, we finally get a little bit of information out of him, I also suspect he is not telling us something. I believe he knows more about Vanessa’s bad girl side than he lets on. Our next step is to investigate the Applegates (which are not the gates where the apples are stored like Billiam tried to tell me).
Perhaps we’ll be able to get to the bottom of this mystery. And we had better. That’s the only reason I’m still here. This story is just getting too damn interesting for me to walk away.
Ximian the Magnificent
Champion of the People
Slayer of the Great Zombie
Great Zombie Juice Showerer
< TODO: add the rest of my well-known titles here >